Don't Hate the Player...
When
it comes to the male shortage, Paula Harris says, “Don’t believe the
hype.” The woman that has “Big Pimpin’” on her answering machine tells
ladies how to get the most out of their love life. Don’t hate the
player…eh, you know the rest.
Ladies,
don't believe the hype about the 'male' shortage. It's time to get
want you want out of your "love" life. Men always brag about
having a stable of women to choose from to date, sleep with, etc. and
they categorize us (several men confirmed this with me). I read in
the September 1998 issue of Ebony (yes, Ebony) that it takes 10
different dates to find 1 potential suitor (mind you, I did not say
“husband”). So with that in mind, instead of dating 1 knucklehead at
a time then after 2 months finding out he's not all that you want, date
10 at a time and categorize them—like they’re a basketball team and
you're Phil Jackson.
-
Stars
-
Bench
Players
-
Clutch
Players
-
Rodmans
Stars—The
Jordan of the group. You are almost 90% sure you want to take him home
to Mom. His attributes are impressive after you've interviewed him
extensively, but you haven't slept with him yet. Don't. He's
all that, and he knows it. He thinks you're all that too, but he
gets beside himself sometimes because he "thinks" he has a
choice (i.e. other women who don't demand as much attention, respect
from him as you do). When he starts tripping, sit him down and
"rotate" or call a bench player or two.
Bench
Players—They think the world of you, and they're always waiting
for you to call them back, coach. They have a good
"record" but you wouldn't marry them. Nor would you
necessarily take them home to Mom. They have a couple of
outstanding attributes, but need to work on their skills and appearance
and have little chance of making it to star status. It's always good to
have 4 or 5 bench players around when you have no star player. Think of
it, ladies—that's one date a week per month with these
"begging" brothers.
Clutch
Players—They come through in a critical situation—money, sex,
etc. For example—that thoroughly masculine, yet pretty male friend of
yours that no one knows is gay. Got a corporate function to attend?
No date? Take him. Not only will you look like the playette
of the year, but he can whisper in your ear and share in the joke of all
the idiots that think he's straight and think that you're sleeping with
him. Be sure to return to work with a BIG GRIN after that—no
details, please. Just say you had a WON-DER-FUL weekend/night after.
Another example of a clutch player: That man that's about 6–8 (or
more) years younger than you that's dying for your sexual experience.
(Be sure he's not the office intern/mail room attendant, please.) You,
too, like Stella, can get your groove back.
Rodmans
-- They're wild characters and play by their own rules. Naturally,
he thinks you're adventurous, so when you want to just get buck wild yet
keep it discreet, call him. (Have 2 of them to choose from.)
Now
that you have a "team" to pick from, you won't waste time on
one. You'll be so busy that the star and other bench players who weren't
rotated last weekend will be calling you because he hasn't heard from
you in a while.
Men for some strange reason only like women that other men want.
Don't forget above all to meet with other coaches--your
girlfriends--to trade strategies. After all, ladies, let's not forget
who's there for us when those breakups happen.
Keep a notebook (give them each a page) of when they called last
and what they've done for you lately.
Pamper yourself always, use condoms and in the words of Foxy
Brown’s "Love Thyself”:
Love no one above thee / 'cause ain't nobody gonna love me like
me."
Paula
Harris is a Chicago resident and the producer of its local video show, Groove
Parlor. Visit her and the show's website, GrooveParlorTV.com.
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