Romance vs. Finance
(Essence.com, 4/10/01) When it comes to prenups, more
sisters are likely to say "I do."
So, you're engaged to "the
one"--a man you can see yourself with forever. And he's just
as crazy about you. But while gazing into each other's eyes over a
candlelit dinner one evening, your honey unexpectedly pops the
"other" question: Will you sign a prenuptial
agreement?
If you're like 26-year-old Geiselle
James, you'd probably look at him like he just dissed your mama.
"It's like going into a relationship with no trust," says the
graduate student, whose attitude toward prenups is informed by her
Trinidadian background. "In the islands, they believe that if
you love and marry a person 'until death do you part,' you wouldn't be
thinking of having a prenuptial. That's how it's always
been." Period.
To sign or not to sign?
Although many of us are financially
savvier than our mothers and grandmothers were when they got married, a
significant number of sisters share Geiselle's anti-prenup
sentiments. When asked, "Would you sign a prenuptial
agreement?" nearly a third (32.8 percent) of Essence.com visitors
said "No way!" But surprisingly, a combined 41.8 percent
(31.1 percent said "Yes," and 10.7 percent said "If the
price was right") were likely to sign right up. About
one-quarter replied, "Don't know."
Journalist and author Denene Millner
is in the "No way!" camp. She playfully debates the
subject in her book, Money, Power, Respect: What Brothers Think, What
Sistahs Know (William Morrow & Co.) with husband and co-author,
Nick Chiles. "I'm against prenups," she says.
"They just throw all kinds of negativity on the relationship before
you even make it down the aisle."
But many experts agree that in the
event of a failed marriage, prenups can at least save you from financial
stress.
"They can be a great tool
because they force couples to discuss money," says Glinda
Bridgforth, money expert and author of Girl, Get Your Money Straight:
A Sister's Guide to Healing Your Bank Account and Funding Your Dreams in
7 Simple Steps (Broadway Books). She stresses taking a hard
look at your financial status and habits (i.e. what you own and owe,
your credit report, saving and spending habits, etc.) and discussing
them with your partner before merging finances.
Bridgforth adds that more women are
protecting their growing assets these days. "As a financial
consultant, I've had a couple of cases recently where my female clients
were ordered by the court to pay their spouses' alimony," she
says. "Since many women are becoming more aware of
alternatives that benefit them, the prenuptial agreement is becoming
less stigmatized."
Paula, a 32-year-old independent
television producer, agrees. Eager to protect her growing assets,
she'll insist that her future husband sign a prenup. To her, it's
only fair. "Men have an easier time buying cars, homes, etc.,
while women still make 68 cents to a man's dollar. Why should men
get alimony, too?"
The bottom line--talk about it
So, what do our attitudes toward
prenups say about our beliefs regarding relationships and money?
While some of us still believe a prenup has no place in a romantic
relationship, others are learning that there's nothing wrong with
considering what a prenup can provide--protection of the assets you had
going into marriage as well as protection from your partner's debts
should you divorce.
Whichever side you fall on, the money
issue definitely has its place in relationship discussions, especially
premarial discussions. Prenuptial agreement or not--are you really
trying to get caught up in drama because you didn't knw your man's
checks have more bounce than an NBA ball? It's chattin' time,
ladies...
Vonetta
Booker is a freelance writer who lives in Brooklyn. She's also the
editor of urban lifestyle e-zine Triscene.com.
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