Gift of Gab
(11/13/01, Essence.com ) Michael Baisden is giving it straight to
daytime talk.
Popular
author Michael Baisden has made it career of frank talk about
affairs of the heart and bedroom. Whether it's in his Love,
Lust and Lies relationship seminars, or in the pages of his
widely popular books, the Chicago native minces no words abut the
love games that men and women play. And the fact is, people
either love him or hate him--but he always gets a
response. Baisden's no-holds barred candor has helped him
nab a talk show, Talk or Walk (WGN, 10am PST).
But when
you're a self-mad brother like Baisden, you know success doesn't
always come knockin', nor is it always based on what others think
of you. In 1995, while working as a Chicago Transit
Authority motorman, he wrote his first book, Never Satisfied:
How and Why Men Cheat, a controversial collection of short
stories about unfaithful men and the women who support their
irresponsible behavior. But the book was rejected by major
publishers.
Undaunted,
Baisden decided to self-publish--borrowing money from friends and
family, charging his credit cards to the limit and selling his
car. Never Satisfied hit a nerve among readers.
Quitting his job with the Chicago Transit Authority, Baisden, 38
and single, used his talent, drive and personality to parlay his
next two self-published books, Men Cry in the Dark and The
Maintenance Man: It's Midnight, Do You Know Where Your Woman Is? into
best-sellers while holding down responsibilities as chief
executive of Legacy Publishing (the company he started when the
major pubs weren't checking for him).
Now, with a
new talk show, Baisden is poised to become the new king of
talk. Essence.com kicked it with him about surviving in TV,
keeping it real and sisters' biggest relationship mistakes. You
can now add "talk show host" to your list of
accomplishments. How are you adjusting to this new role and the
challenges? Being
a talk-show host is a challenge, because I'm no longer in complete
control, and that's the hardest thing for me. I've been the
captain of my own ship for the last six or seven years, so it's a
learning experience to have to rely on so many people to put something
together. You have to trust people to represent you and put you in
a positive light. They control the guests, the rhythm of the show
and content, so I'm trying to learn to [trust]. This
talk show biz is tough. Especially with so many shows on the
air. How are you dealing with the competition? I've
never cared who else was out there. It's not important, because in
this industry it's all about the Nielsen ratings. Now, I don't
know anybody with a Nielsen box. So, I can't control those few
thousand people who dictate what the whole country watches. All I
can do is focus on performing [my] best--running my own race. It's
not tough to me, because even if it doesn't work out, it's been an
experience I can learn and grow from. Although
you've been a huge success, your "forthrighteousness" hasn't
been without criticism. What are your critics' biggest complaints? The
bigges complaint is that I'm "arrogant." I think they
feel that way because it's their issues that I'm blowing up [on
TV]. If you're sleeping with a married guy, and I call you a tramp
and a home wrecker, then you're going to get upset--why wouldn't
you? If you're a guy who's not taking care of his kids and I call
you a coward and a bum, of course you're going to get upset. So
when people attack me personally, my response is, "I don't
care." You cannot make it in any industry caring about what
everyone has to say about you. You've
faced many adversities trying to publish your books. How did you
combat them and stay motivated? See,
that's the thing--it was never about a publishing deal. I didn't
write thinking, "Boy, I sure would like a publisher to pick me
up." I wanted the freedom to do what the hell I wanted to do
without the publishing companies putting restrictions on my
writing. I went without a car for five years when I started this
business. It's not that I couldn't afford a car, it just wasn't
important to me at the time because the car couldn't make me any
money. I was accomplishing my goals. It wasn't a question of
enduring, but a question of having my freedom. And as long as I
had that, I had the world. Let's
talk about sisters. What are the most common mistakes that black
women make in relationships? Oh,
please! That's an easy question--they choose poorly. Before
you can get into the issues of the relationship, deal with the fact that
you made a bad choice in the first place. Black women don't have
strong enough standards (and "standards" doesn't mean
"standards sometimes") and values. When black
women have strong enough values and standards, they won't choose as
poorly as they do. Now,
when you say "black women," you don't mean all black
women, do you? Too
many black women are awful choosers of men. Women never pay
attention to a man's character and, more specifically, what defines
it. And that means what kind of people he associates with, how
responsible he is to his family and children (if he has any), if he's
consistent emotionally, with his availability, his follow-through and
how he handles adversity. That's the ultimate test of a person's
character--how they handle the bad times. And until you've seen a
demonstration of that, what are you falling in love with/ An
image. You're falling in love with the idea of being in love, and
you're falling in love with the sex. Because so many women are
getting "whipped" out here, it's ridiculous! So, they're
bad choosers. They treat the court jesters like kings, and vice
versa! It's
clear that you have female fans, but have your books and seminars been
popular among the brothers? Name
one man in this country that's more popular with male readers
than me. I can tell you, they don't exist. They say I
"keep it real" and "thanks for representing real
men." They don't get mad at me for blowing up their spot,
because the player's (and the former player's) attitude is that they're
going to keep on playing. In
your seminar Love, Lust and Lies, you talked about men who cheat
because they've seen their fathers cheat on their mothers. But can
it also have the reverse effect? Can a man make the decision not
to cheat because of the pain he's seen it cause his mother? Yes,
but that's just like saying a guy whose father didn't take care of him
is going to take care of his kids, because his daddy wasn't there for
him. That was the case with me, but in the majority of cases,
that's not going to happen. If we want to play the odds, we need
to have fathers set better examples for their sons. You've
written books, held seminars, and now you're doing your thing with a new
talk show. What's on your plate in the future? Right
now, we're waiting to see if the show will be renewed. If it is,
then my energy's going to be with the talk show and doing
seminars. If not, I'm going to focus on writing the next
book. Men Cry in the Dark is a new stage play opening
nationwide in January. The Maintenance Man was optioned for
a movie by Walter Latham (producer of Kings of Comedy). So,
give us the scoop! What's your next book about? God's
Gift to Women is the name of the book--you know, I always have
provocative titles. It's about a radio personality who is stalked,
and it's real crazy. Not in that A Thin Line Between Love and
Hate comedic, crazy sense, but it's like a suspense thriller.
I want to graduate into other areas. If you read my books, you'll
notice they're all very different in terms of the content. That's
why I don't release a book every year, because I need to rest, regroup,
grow myself, and then put something out there that's very different. What
advice do you have for aspiring authors or anyone trying to achieve
their goals? When
you run into hardships in relationships, business or life, it's all a
test to see how badly you want it. You gotta want it bad enough,
and don't let anybody steal it from you. That's what I did, and I
hope people do the same. Vonetta
Booker, a freelance writer who lives in Brooklyn, NY., is the editor of
the urban lifestyle e-zine Triscene.com.
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